Potential

The Hubby and I are thoroughly enjoying a marriage class at church each week, learning to be a better spouse and how to make our marriage stronger. A few weeks ago we talked about how each partner contributes to the relationship in some way. WELL! I get to thinking about what I actually contribute to the relationship.... and I have to think pretty hard... and for the last few weeks have been wallowing in self pity because I don't feel like I bring much to the relationship. My loving husband and neighbors tried several times to list ways I contribute to the marriage, however, a good self wallow-er doesn't allow others to boost them from their wallowing.
After creating a monster and making my family suffer through all of this, I turned again to my scriptures and the counsel from the prophets. Actually, my sister-in-law who is serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, aka Mormon church, wrote a letter to me and was expressing some frustrations she was having and it brought me out of my wallowing. (thanks a lot Stephanie!)
So I may not feel like I have any talents or qualities that contribute to my marriage but I do have the ability to acquire them. Elder Russell M. Nelson, one of the leaders of our church says this: "With us, education is a religious responsibility. The glory of God really is intelligence. Each person's chosen occupation is only a means to an end; it is not an end in itself. The end for which each of you should strive is to be the person you can become- the person who God wants you to be...much more important than what you do for a living is what kind of person you become. When you leave this frail existence, what you have become will matter most. Attributes such as "faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility, and diligence"(D&C 4:6) will be weighed in the Lord's balance."
Yesterday was a gorgeous day, sunshine and not a cloud in sight! I got up off my wallowing butt and worked. I worked hard and LOVED it! Pounding posts, digging through ice, putting up fence and then digging some more to protect the base of the fence. At the days end we let the piggies out of their little dog run and into their new much larger fenced area. It felt really good. Hard work is our blessing not our doom, and a sure way to put a halt to any pity parties.
I take great comfort in the fact that I can continually grow and develop as a wife, a mother and a person. So rather than wallow in the fact that I am not reaching my full potential, I will work harder to develop "me" and the person I can become. Thank heaven that there is continual progress, if we seek it... I am not a lost cause yet! Some day I'll reach my full potential... or at least get closer, and I'll be an equal contributor in my marriage. For now, I'll just keep my self doubting to myself....

Well I finally went into town and used some wireless... however it's not the fastest. BUT it's working enough to post pics! Here are a few quick high-lights..
Elizabeth's very first hair cut, decided to do it quick before church.. cutting hair as one who doesn't know how to do it, is not quick! But it turned out alright if you don't look too closely! Isn't she just a doll!

Elizabeth teaching Henry how to climb the ladder. haha Just kidding he's not there just yet! He is walking as you know, and loving it! I tried to post a really cute video but it wouldn't let me.

This is the shopping cart we bought for Henry so he could walk around the house and get more confidence in his walking ability. He showed Granny Annie and Grandpa that he didn't use it anymore by carrying it into the room while he was walking. (Happy Birthday to Grandpa!)

A giant Rice Crispy Treat, funny story... you'll have to ask about it. The kids went crazy over it, and he was so bummed out that I made him stop eating to take the picture.

And the other exciting thing was his 2nd Birthday. So many times I look at Henry and see him doing things I couldn't even imagine him doing six months ago! He has gone from not being able to stand on his own (in November) to walking (April). He's doing really well with therapy and makes progress every day. Sometimes he needs a little persuasion. I told him on Monday he needed to learn to walk on his own if he wanted to play outside. Tuesday he was walking on his own! The stinker!

We are soooo happy to be home and moving on to new adventures. We head back to Seattle the first week of May for check ups, make sure all is going well, AND to get the LINE REMOVED!!! HOORAY! Looking forward to Seattle and seeing friends again! Hugs and love to you all!

Slow...

I know.. I know, You're all waiting, and I'm horrible at keeping up when I'm home. I greatly apologize! With two children, a husband, four piggies and a green house needing attention, on top of all the other house keeping stuff... I'm a bit behind. And there are many super mom's who have the time, I'm not one of them.. I'm working my way there.
Henry had another visit today with the Docs. And drum roll please..... his platelets were 88!!! An all time high, and his hematocrit was 39 (that's normal range!!!) He has been getting a shot called "Darbo" for short... that boosts the production of red blood cells... and this week he didn't need the shot. His red blood cells are doing awesomely along with his platelets! His weight was 11.4 kg. Which is ok.. I met with the nutritionist today and she's WONDERFUL! We talked about a schedule that will help stimulate eating more and I don't have to be so obsessed with fluid intake! Hooray! I am no longer held responsible for his food intake. Henry is responsible for that and I am responsible for providing a schedule to stimulate hunger and provide the nutrition he needs. It's up to this little man to eat all he needs.
He is walking! Today at the Doc visit he refused to hold my hand at all, some times held Elizabeth's hand, but refused to be dependant on me! It was awesome! Although this week was the first time he really didn't like the blood pressure machine. And currently is screaming at me because he wants more jelly beans. haha good nutritious value right?!
We are so happy to be home and together. We head to Seattle on the 4th of May and will be coming home with out the Hickman line! YEAH! We are waiting still to hear if hubby is switching jobs or not, and if he does, he will be gone during may and June. Mommy will be responsible for taking care of the garden and piggies. Something else to build life around.
The days are getting so light! Well for longer periods of time! And it's wonderful! Every day it's exciting to see how much longer the sun light sticks around. Oh the many reasons I love Alaska. They built a bike path that runs into town, so I've been driving to the bottom of the mountain and walking to town. People think I'm nuts! It's a rare thing to see around here because you have to drive so far to a grocery store. But I love it! I'm missing Seattle for it's wonderful bike path and the close proximity of everything, not to mention the number of parks around. But we're managing at home wonderfully! Seattle I love you, but I love being home WAY more!

Journals

I've been reading from my journals in 2008, prior to us being taken to Seattle. My greatest concern then is still my greatest concern now. ELIZABETH. Her life has been nothing but change. We house sat for many people, lived in a trailer in the garage, and most recently she was uprooted from the only home she knew to Seattle, and Idaho, and back home again to Daddy's house for a few weeks. Nothing has been constant. When she finally did get comfortable some where, things changed again. While the adventure may seem fun at a young age, her behavior has shown the wear and tear of constant change.
I searched diligently for weeks for words from the leaders of our church, the Prophet and his apostles, about raising children and disciplining them. These are a few of the quotes I appreciated the most:
President Brigham Young, "Bring your children in the love and fear of the Lord, study their dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly, never allow yourself to correct them in the heat of passion. Teach them to love you, not fear you."
President Gordon B. Hinckley, "There is need for discipline with families. But discipline with severity...inevitably leads to resentment and bitterness. It cures nothing and only aggravates the problem.
Behold your little ones and teach them, your example will do more than anything else in impressing upon their minds a pattern of life."
"Nor let us forget the need to respect these, our little ones. Under the revealed word of God we know they are children of God as we are children of God and deserving of that respect."
President Young also said, "Let it be your constant care... the children that God has so kindly given you.."
President Faust said, "There is no more important human effort. Being a father or mother is not only a great challenge, it is a divine calling."
President David McKay said "parenting is the greatest trust that has been given to human beings."
A lot I know, but it has been a burden on my mind. I know that I have been blessed with two beautiful children and they are wonderful and I am eternally grateful to be a mother. Some day I hope to have more children, but the problems I'm having with Elizabeth are weighing on me as a mother. I have not yet found a way to discipline her that works, she's too stubborn to threaten and she's too active for time out and when I try to talk to her about it, she screams at the top of her lungs so she can't hear what I'm saying.
All of you experienced mothers may be out there laughing at me, but my heart and mind are just at wits end. I understand she's been through a lot, and she's only three.. but how can I teach her obedience, which is important, how can I teach her love, how do I teach her the importance of good choices, with out losing my mind!!!
I think every night I pray for help, for strength, for guidance and inevitably I fail every day. What I have realized, as this Easter weekend approaches, is that I am weak, I am perfectly imperfect, I cannot last five minutes with out some how hurting/damaging my precious daughter, our Father in Heaven's daughter. And being so weak, I am so quick to forget who's daughter she really is, and what love and respect she is deserving. I am the dust of the earth, not worthy of anything. YET, my Savior endured all, gave of his own life, suffered every pain and affliction so that he could help ME, so that I could receive FORGIVENESS. So that my weaknesses may some day become strengths. He over came the world and every obstacle in it, so that I wouldn't have to do it alone. I hate that I am so weak and so quick to forget what he endured for me, so quick to forget what's important. My Savior loved Elizabeth enough to die for her, to pay for the struggles she would face, the heart aches, the frustrations, the changes she would have to endure. And I, mortal, imperfect I, cannot figure out how to teach her, to love her enough to show her the way.
I am grateful for a Savior who truly LOVED me, us, to endure all so that we wouldn't have to, so we could have to help we needed. I know he gave his own life, he freely died and conquered death. I know most importantly that HE LIVES. He is Risen and he knows us, he knows our hearts, he knows our fears and he calls to us to come unto him.
"Draw near unto me, and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me."
"Mine eyes are upon you. I am in your midst and ye cannot see me."
"I will be merciful unto your weakness. Therefore be ye strong from henceforth."